Check-in to Chaos

Welcome to the Dominion Motor Lodge, Canada's most dysfunctional neutral ground. [tyres screeching] Is this where the summit is? I was told there would be a better room. There is no better room. [crickets chirping] With a stubble? With an announcement. The parking lot is not our first crisis. Then I brought the scissors for nothing. This motel proves Ottawa is broken. The ice machine broke in 2011. Exactly. That predates the current government. I can work with that. Alberta would like its own room key. You already have one. I want control over the hallway. Can Ontario build the hallway? Nobody is building anything before checkout. I upgraded the motel network. Why does the Wi-Fi now require a monthly subscription? I should get the premium tier. You are on the complaint tier. [sighs] That explains the signal. We need one shared plan. Alberta needs flexibility. Canada needs accountability. Canada needs everyone to stop turning the coffee urn into a metaphor. Too late. Beautiful pool. Very Canadian. Too much maple. I can mar-nitize the leaf. I can pave it. Now we are negotiating. This place has one rule: every crisis checks in before Canada understands it. That seems inefficient. I can campaign on inefficient. Of course, you can. Anyway, pilot episode. Can we still call this neutral ground? I call it an acquisition opportunity. Canada calls it a motel, and somehow that is still our best option. [door slams]