The Squash Match

[door slamming] Mo, don't you know how to referee? What are you, blind? You screwed me out of that match. And who was that giant hooded spirit? I swear I didn't see anything. Likely story. Enjoy your meal. Don't choke. [door slamming] [can opening] [footsteps] Don't. [growling] [squishing] [laughing] [door slamming] Ladder match is canceled. Squash match is next. Thank you. Squash match. Bro, who's getting squashed? It's me, isn't it? Did you think turning off the lights would stop the eating? [woman screaming] I see you hiding behind all that beautiful, beautiful garbage. The crack is in your walls now, too. Ah. Ladies and gentlemen, this next match is fixing to be quick. Let's go to the ring. Introducing first, Vulcan the Forge. [fireball exploding] I built this. [bell ringing] And his opponent, a local competitor, Turbo Tommy Turow. [crowd cheering] Turbo's in the building, baby. Let's go. Turbo, Turbo, Turbo. You brought toys into my forge. [toy crashing] [crowd gasping] Gravelly distorted growl. [sighs] [footsteps] Okay, but this chain genuinely hurts my teeth. Where is the plastic chain? [chain falling] Take the sign, man. Take the sign. You bring sticks to a forge? What? [screaming] [rock music] [body crashing] One, two, three. It's over, it's over. [bell ringing] [crowd cheering] One more time, one more time. We need some help here. Somebody. Medic. Where is medic? He's pooping. Cut to commercial, damn it. And we're clear. Did I win? [upbeat music] Don't stop me now. [grunting] [fireball exploding] [laughing] Smoking hot. Thanks. [fire crackling] [panting] [footsteps] Good match, Turbo. You earned that. Dude, did Vulcan just... Yes! Shaking hands, that's legal back here? [upbeat music] Easy, easy. One foot at a time, champ. Tell Vulcan I want a rematch. I felt that in my soul. [crowd cheering] All right, fans, it's Intermission. We'll be back with live HPWW action in 20 minutes. Merch table is to the left exit, popcorn and Surge soda to the right, bathrooms are located at both exits. [crowd cheering] [panting] They need you in back. Ambulance segment, right now. Aw, that's wack. Knew it was too good to be true. Sorry, guys, I got to go. Shh. [crowd cheering] Are you ready for some free T-shirts? [explosion] Make some noise. Fastest in the building. Yeah, write that down. Hey! Hey, what the... [crowd cheering] [footsteps] You're going to Ambulance. [panting] Does this mean more pay? That's funny. No. Have an extra hot dog. [crowd cheering] [door slamming] Bottle is empty. The stunt needs a full one. Nobody told me there was a stunt. [panting] 15 seconds. Where is the second bottle? [tires screeching]