The Siren's Snare

[whining] Pestianadia is so totally unmarketable, Melissa. Wow, strong words. [upbeat music] Kale, you're next, darling. [dramatic sound] Listen, little mermaid, I don't care who your daddy is. You ain't all that and a bag of chips. You're soggy seaweed that needs to be thrown out. I'll be champion before you. [scoffs] [upbeat music] You tell her, sis. [anchor crashing] Oh my God, Melissa, look at that anchor. It is so crusty. That almost crushed you to death. [upbeat music] Mahalo. [rumbling] [screaming] [water bubbling] Hello? Poseidon, get me out of here. It smells like salt and crabs. Ew, found the crabs. [monsters roaring] Bring them back, or else, old man. Or else what, grommet? Shred till my ears bleed? Great idea. [lasers firing] Silly boy. Siren's song can't crack these eardrums. Then let's settle this in the ring. Zeus. A match of this magnitude will take place on pay-per-view. Artemis and Melissa are sea wreck. This ends now. Way not cool. [grunts] [groans] Don't mind me. [water splashing] Whoa. [groans] I am so calling my agent. That fish is hazard pay. You have an agent? [wind blowing] [laughs] [door closing] [panting] Artemis has an agent and hazard pay. She's also an airhead. You want that too? Oh, no. I don't want air. [creaking] Artemis and Atemis, on my watch. Nobody calls anybody until I say so. [slurping] Stop that. [slurping] We're ready, boss. Check the audio. Keep talking. Okay. Kennedy Vincent Axemans. The Vincent is silent. I mean, it's not there in my stage name. And my name really isn't Kennedy Axemans, it's Mr. Kennedy Axeman. I'm ready. [slurping] [gasps] I'm Mr. Kennedy Axeman, and this is the story of Helios Pro Wrestling. That was great. You're great. [gasps] Stop. No, go on. Say it again. [squelching] Let's try a different approach. Act like you're at home. You seem tense. I'm a one-take wonder. [chuckles] I'm great. [gasps] Okay, this was good. [squelching] Hello? Earth to Mr. Kennedy. Mr. Kennedy. Kennedy. Kennedy. Yes, I'm ready. [squelching] Okay, I'm ready. Whenever you're ready. [vomits] Cut. I think we got enough. I don't know how you boys watch that stuff. It's my soup, Oprah. Get me a beer. I'll get you a Surge. [squelching]