Tabbed Out

My name's Mikey, and I've made a lot of memories here. [door smashing] He just ate the door, bi. [laughing] Come on in. We saved you a stool. [laughs] Next asshole through that door buys a round of shots. That'd be you, bud. [sighs] Every single time. [gentle music] Hey, Risha, my love. Put it on my tag? Only if you stop bringing crazy girls into my bar. Deal. [phone vibrating] [sighs] Mikey, I told those guys you were in jail. [laughing] The whole world's a jail, man. We're in the simulation. Actually, I'm going to go sit with Jason. Mando carries the whole franchise, bud. Facts. "Revenge of the Sith" exists. Case closed, Jason. Mikey, over here, honey. Cheers. Tallers. "Return of the Jedi." Best one. Done. No notes. Jason, honey, are you crying? I wasn't crying. It's the Caesar, I swear. [laughing] Hmm. You know what? You might be right. [door closing] Hey, let's get us all another round of Fireball. [bottles hitting table] Well, if you're buying, I won't say no. [laughing] [upbeat music] [door opening] Did somebody say Fireball? [footsteps] It's gone. There's nothing left. [gasps] That is stupid. Shake it harder. [gasps] [table flipping] Smart move. [burps] Risha, I just don't think I'll ever find true love. Don't worry, man. True love is just a social construct. You're feeding the machine. You ever think it's because you only look for love in this bar? [crying] I just want somebody to love me. [thudding] Would a ride in the Camaro make you feel better? Yes. [door closing] Wait. Wait for me, boys. [door opening] [upbeat music] [footsteps] [car door opening] [car door closing] I called it. I sprinted. That's the rule, bi. Only one of you rides shotgun. Decide now. Wrong. The Camaro chooses. [camera clicking] [door opening] [footsteps] [car engine starting] Hey, nobody paid their tab, you absolute disasters. $47, boys. 47. Don't you damn turn those lights on. Could you give me a ride?